Curiosity as a Gateway: Why Wonder Matters in Healing
Let’s explore this concept of curiosity. Not the kind taught in school or wrapped up in productivity tips, but genuine wonder, the kind that makes you pause and ask “I wonder what is really going on here?” instead of leaping straight to “Something is wrong with me.” That simple turn toward wondering, rather than judgment, changes everything.
What Is Curiosity, Really?
When I talk about curiosity, I often see a moment of recognition, like remembering something forgotten. Curiosity is simply a state of genuine interest, an openness to knowing more, the opposite of the anxious brain that runs worst-case scenarios on repeat. Think about what happens in your body when you’re anxious: your nervous system scans for threats. Now recall a moment of true curiosity. Feel the difference? That’s your nervous system shifting modes from defense to exploration. It’s important to note, context matters; sometimes protection is necessary and valid too.
The Neuroscience of Curiosity
The science behind curiosity is truly beautiful. Engaging with curiosity activates the reward centers of the brain, giving you that feel-good dopamine hit the brain’s way of rewarding you for open wondering and exploration. Research shows that regular curiosity boosts memory, creativity, satisfaction, and relationships, while protecting against anxiety and depression. Curiosity is as vital as exercise for the mind, it keeps you flexible rather than rigid, open rather than stuck in threat-mode.
The Threat Response: Why We Lose Curiosity
If you struggle to access curiosity, it’s not a personal failing. It’s your nervous system doing its best. Our ancestors did not have the luxury of wondering in the face of danger; full attention went to survival. The same system persists today, especially for people of color and anyone living with trauma or chronic stress. These threats, now often social and systemic, keep the fight or flight system in our body activated. Curiosity only emerges when there’s enough safety. That’s why tending to safety comes first in healing. Often, curiosity arrives in tiny, gentle moments, and that’s enough to begin a shift.
When Curiosity Meets Difficult Emotions
One of the most powerful moments in therapy is when someone stops fighting difficult feelings and gets curious about them. A client might say, “I’m anxious all the time and I hate it.” I might ask, “I wonder what that anxiety is trying to protect you from?” Suddenly, they’re not at war with themselves, they’re investigating, wondering. This shift opens empathy and possibility; curiosity becomes the gateway to connection. And of course, context matters in here too.
Curiosity as Antidote to Defensiveness
It’s very hard to stay defensive and truly curious at the same time They are incompatible states. When you are genuinely wondering about something, you are opening. You are receiving. You cannot do that and be closed off. This is why curiosity is so powerful for shame. Shame involves secrecy. It tells you to hide, to not look, to shut down. Curiosity says the opposite: "Let me look. Let me understand. Let me see what is really here." In relationships, when people feel that we are genuinely curious about them, they can feel seen. They feel like we actually care about understanding them, not just fixing them or assessing them or checking boxes. They open up. The conversation becomes real. When we stay curious about people whose lives and experiences are different from our own, we can build our capacity for empathy. We challenge our assumptions. We remember that each person is navigating a world we do not fully know. We become better at crossing differences.
How to get in touch with curiosity
So what do we do when curiosity feels inaccessible? When you are too activated or too defended or too exhausted to wonder? Think of these as invitations rather than tasks. See what resonates for you.
Revisit childhood joys: What did you love as a kid? Did you fly kites? Build with Legos? Collect rocks? Ride your bike everywhere? Those things still exist. And here is the thing: going back to them does not make you childish. It reconnects you with a part of yourself that knew how to play and explore before you had to survive so much. Before the world taught you to be serious. Give yourself permission to reengage with that part of yourself.Do something unexpected: break routine with a new route, a different place, or a novel experience. Novelty signals your nervous system that exploration is possible.
Learn something for the joy of it: choose a topic just because it’s interesting or brings excitement. Did you stop learning to paint because you decided it would never be a career? Did you let go of your fascination with space or history or cooking or languages? Curiosity is not meant to be practical. It is meant to be alive. Give yourself permission to learn about something simply because you find it interesting. Because it makes you wonder. Because the world is wide and full of fascinating things to marvel at.
Ask real questions: open up with friends or yourself, ask what you truly want to know, and listen. Ask yourself the questions you have been afraid to explore. Questions are how we deepen connection. They are how we truly know someone.
Explore somewhere new: restaurant, museum, neighborhood park. The outcome doesn’t matter; the act of discovering does.
Read widely: from fiction to science, let your mind wander. Read things that take you to different worlds, different perspectives, different ways of thinking. Fiction, memoir, science, poetry, history, essays. Let your mind wander. Let yourself be exposed to ideas you would not normally encounter. This is how we expand. This is how wonder lives.
Get curious about fear: instead of pushing anxiety away, investigate it gently: “What do I think will happen? What evidence is there? Is there another explanation?” ? Is there another explanation?" When you shift from fighting your anxiety to investigating it, something changes. You are not controlled by it anymore. You are learning from it.
Try wonder spotting: if you’re weighed down, go outside, look for something. Just look. Ask yourself: "What is beautiful or interesting about this moment?" What is surprising? What catches your eye? When you look for wonder, you train your brain to find it. And when you are grounded in the here and now, noticing what is actually around you? Anxiety loses its ammunition. Worry almost always lives in the past or the future.
Curiosity is not something you either have or do not have. It is not a fixed trait. It is a practice. It is a choice you make over and over, in small moments, in big moments, in moments when everything is hard.
So let’s start here: What are you curious about today? Not what should you be curious about. Not what would look good. But what actually makes you wonder? What part of yourself would you like to know more about? What would it feel like to approach something that scares you or troubles you with genuine curiosity instead of judgment or fear?
The answers might surprise you. But more importantly, the act of asking, that is where the real work begins. That is where healing lives. In the space of wondering. In the openness and in the possibility that there might be more to understand if we are brave enough to look.
By
Nathasha Sharma
Kidd C, Hayden BY. The Psychology and Neuroscience of Curiosity. Neuron. 2015 Nov 4;88(3):449-60. doi: 10.1016/j.neuron.2015.09.010. PMID: 26539887; PMCID: PMC4635443.
Letendre Jauniaux, M., & Lawford, H. L. (2024). Interpersonal curiosity as a tool to foster safe relational spaces: A narrative literature review. Frontiers in Psychology, 15, 1379330.
